i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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