I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
