waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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