Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i dont even know how to be here
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
