You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
