And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
