1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
