If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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