FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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