My sheets look like a crime scene.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
