my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
