WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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