my mouth tastes like poor choices
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
