this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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