let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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