We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
