I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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