So drunk its hurt
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
