I hate your face
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
