tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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