My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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