Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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