We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
