so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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