If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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