i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
