it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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