If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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