I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
