My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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