I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
