Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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