well I can't set my house on fire every night
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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