I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
