Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize