On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
