Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
