??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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