the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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