Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
