If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
