I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
