Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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