Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
