i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
