Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize