At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize