How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
