He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
