I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
