I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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