I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
