I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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