You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
