My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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