it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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