I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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