saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
