She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
