Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
