How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
