Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
