i think my mom watched the whole time
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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