The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize