You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
