Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
