This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
