I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
