so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
