Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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