Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
