what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
how drunk are you?
Several
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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