I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize