Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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