ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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